Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
