i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
