Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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