she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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