is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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