Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So much rum. So many feels.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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