got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
