Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize