found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
