its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
