Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
