he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
