dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I wear drunk well.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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