every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
