i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
