I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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