I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
