I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
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