i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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