4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
