just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
