Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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