Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize