How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize