You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
