My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize