You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
