I wish my penis had an off switch
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
