we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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