matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
