I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
