so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
