dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
