I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
