Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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