So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
