Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
These tits shall not be calmed
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
