i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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