Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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