im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
