So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
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