Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He passed out mid-signature
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize