i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
