How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
