I'm laying in your front yard are you home
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
