I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
