those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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