1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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