Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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