Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
