I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
