She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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