This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
