Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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