I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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