Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
