So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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