i used baking grease as lip gloss
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
