dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize