..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
