Banned from zoo.
Again?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize