The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
