Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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