think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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