i think my mom watched the whole time
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
