you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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