My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
