We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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