I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
