if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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