The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
