I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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