even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
